Happy Monday my loves, how are you? I hope you’re all enjoyed your Easter holidays. Have you been up to much? I would love to know if you had anything exciting planed to celebrate or if like me you spent your time working and wishing you were out in the “heatwave“ that we were rightly predicted to have.
I haven’t really been frequent with posting since January, I’ve uploaded posts throughout February and March but not enough to say that I have made a great return since going self hosted. I have made promises to make a grand return this month and as of yet I am still uploading every now and then. I will be honest with you, I have enjoyed not posting which sounds odd considering I love my blog.
I started off having no motivation to do anything an then I got distracted by starting a new relationship after which is still very fresh and I am the happiest I have ever been. I would share more about my dating life if that’s something you would be interested in reading. We all know I don’t have the best of luck after my last one decided a 16 year old was a lot better than me. (Awkward!)
I have been brainstorming a lot recently and I have found that I love my content when I am collaborating with brands. Now, I know that I am not this huge successful blogger who can work with every bran under the sun, because 1) that wouldn’t fit in with my blog and 2) I then become fake and other brands wouldn’t want to work with me. I know why I get the buzz from my posts on a collaboration and that’s because you all love them, they are my most viewed posts apart from my very first travel post. I have been so focused on what you all love that I forgot the purpose of blogging was always for myself.
I have some new content planned for May which has built my motivation back up. I am also getting to a really good place in my life which helps staying on track and having less down days. I think after my uncle passing I just hit a rapid decline and I just couldn’t cope with anything, I had lost someone who had become so important to me and I just couldn’t quite wrap my head around his sudden death. There was a hole there that no-one was able to fill, not even my boyfriend.
Worst of all, the relationship between my mum and dad hit the worst it’s ever been, there was a time where I hated them both. I have been so focused on keeping both of them happy and proud of me while also keeping them apart, sane and out of trouble. It’s been one hell of a few months. My last relationship if you can even call it that ended in shambles when I was told that I was worthless and that someone else was better than me. I was at a complete loss after that, I had invested so much time, energy and money that I should have been saving into something that I now see was toxic. I started to hate myself and the feeling of a self destruct relapse was rapidly growing.
I’d say ever since February I have been trying my hardest to be everyone’s idea of perfect and two months down the line I am getting to a place where I am able to accept that things will never end in the fairy-tale ending I was promised as a child. I know so many people go through their parents splitting up, but losing my two best friends because one has to leave and the other is no longer interested because of their new partner hurts. It hurts feeling as though you no longer matter to them, it actually cuts you up when they blow off plans with you because they’d rather spend 24/7 with him. It’s okay now though, I have learnt how to get on with life by myself.
I have to give a lot of credit to my new found happiness to my boyfriend Jack. He has been probably the best thing to happen to me in a very long time. We’ve been dating for a grand total of 16 days and throughout the whole time I have done nothing but laugh, cry from laughter and smile as if I’m the Cheshire cat. He makes my jaw hurt and my cheeks look super fat because he calls me beautiful. I know that it is the simplest compliment but after hearing that you’re too fat and you’re not good enough it means more than anyone will ever know.
I think from now on I will just post as and when I have typed up my best work. I don’t want to type up half assed posts and then want to delete them because they are not my best work. So I’d say for now that there isn’t going to be a blog schedule and I will just send out a tweet or upload an Instagram story.
I’m currently on Facetime to Jack while typing this and he is being the biggest distraction ever. so I am going to end this post here and I will catch up with you all again soon. Thank you all so much for reading, I hope you somewhat enjoyed it.
I’ll see you on Wednesday.
Sending you lots of love,