Happy Monday! How are you doing? I think it’s about time I sit down and be completely honest with you all. I’ve got a few updates for you and a few things that I want to let you know about just because I feel like we are all friends here (so if we’re not, I’m sorry!)
This month on my blog has been a bit all over the place. To tell you the truth, I have loved not having to stress about uploading the perfect post, not having to stick to a schedule or a theme and just do whatever I want.
I have recently found someone who melts my heart every single day! He is honestly the most caring, weirdest, funniest and of course the cutest person ever. I have loved every moment we have spent together and hated every moment apart. I won’t lie, I’m not really being the best girlfriend, I seem to be doing everything wrong and it hurts me knowing that I’m not doing my best because my mind is always on something else. I can honestly hand on heart say that I love this boy, no one has ever made me feel so safe and so secure in my own body. I am honestly so lucky to have finally met someone who makes the whole of my body ache with happiness! (I’m really hoping he doesn’t read this because he’ll think I’m a right ol’ cringe bag!)
My blog has definitely become something that I don’t want it to be. I look at it and I don’t feel the happiness I use to, I don’t feel like it’s fun, at the moment it’s a chore and something that I’ll happily put aside and not bother with. That really upsets me because I have put in so much hard work, time and commitment into it and I’m now despising it. I have lost my love and my passion and now as you’re fully aware, I’m not putting out my best work, in fact, I’m posting just for the sake of it.
It’s not an excuse but my personal life has literally been ripped upside down, I don’t want to get too into it because 1) I don’t want to bore you all and 2) I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I’m literally trying to juggle so many things and it’s actually impossible! I know I have broad shoulders but honestly I need to learn to put myself before anyone, including family.
I will do a post about it properly when I have finished going through everything but at the moment I am in and out of hospital, speaking to doctor after doctor to try and fix my period issue. I have had trouble with them since I was really young and I have tried many different things and none seem to be working. I’m now going to have to get the coil which in all honesty, I’m hating the sound of that, but it’s my last option and I don’t want another 16 week period!
Also in my personal life I am trying to move out I have found a place that I can easily afford that it’s just awaiting game because the landlord doesn’t want anyone under 25 living there and and to end here so we’re just trying to work our way around it because he actually wanted to charge more than what the website said. I know that this may shock some of you and I know that I could quite possibly get a quote if you hate comments and hate messages from this but I am also looking at starting my own family. I know I’m only 20 and everyone likes to tell me about have a rest of my life ahead of me before I start all of that but one of my biggest fears is that I cannot have kids and I feel like I am ready to go through that stage in my life and I know that I would be able to give your child everything that I had when I was growing up. I am in no way rushing this I haven’t just sided okay I’m going to get myself pregnant and I’ll let everyone else deal with it. I have spoken to my parents and they are going to support me no matter what I decide, my boyfriend is also very much on side do you start settling down he also brought up the idea so I’m glad we are both on the same thought process. I know that it’s not something that it’s easy and it’s going to take a lot of time and I need to make sure I’m in the right frame of mind before anything else goes ahead.
So getting back to you my blog I am actually going to take the rest of this month off I just really need a break away and really get my perspective back on things. I know that it will really affect my view and that I will indeed lose some readers but I need to make my blog my happy place again so this will be the last post for this month. I will be back in March and I know that it will be a good month because I’ll also be bringing back my “I prefer hot chocolate” interview segment which is really exciting!
I will be back to vlogging next month as well I have just been trying to do you so much to keep myself happy and I’ve just let everything else slide. If you do want to keep up to date with me and my very messy life then feel free to follow me on Instagram and Twitter or you can add me on Snapchat
I think that now that is all I have to share with you if I think of anything else I will update this post or share it on my social media’s.
I want to thank you all for your support! I am honestly so in love with every single one of you and I genuinely wouldn’t be in this position without you! My return is definitely going to knock you off your feet!
Thank you so much for reading tonights post. I am still here if you need to talk to someone about anything I absolutely love our chats so please do not feel like you cannot message me because you guys are my friends and I am 100% here for you.
I look forward to seeing you again in March!
Sending you all my love,