What’s going on

Hello,

Happy Monday lovelies I hope you have all had a wonderful day. I have been super busy today I had work this morning it was a total drag and then I came home and did some bloke things and replied to some emails and the usual boring stuff I get up to when I finish work.

I thought I would do a post just to keep you guys in the loop as to why I have not been posting and as much and why have not been as active as a used to be. I know if you of you have noticed my absence lately and I do apologise. I am just going to jump straight into what’s been going on.

Relationships

I have always sucked at relationships there is no way to deny that but recently I have been sort of seeing someone but not seeing them if that makes sense, I don’t know where they are at and what they’re feeling but for me I’m really enjoying the company and I would like to see them or without trying to sound desperate or anything!

I recently had to think long and hard about my friends and people who aren’t my friends but are. I know that sounds really complicated and trust me it is. I am starting to realise that I have held a lot of things back and I’ve not been able to express my true emotions for the fear that I’ve upset someone or I make things awkward, but I need to and make those decisions and put myself in that situation before things escalate or carry on the way they are.

I I’m currently feeling a bit low or the whole relationship thing I feel like I would like a relationship with someone who like completely gets me and understands the things I’ve been through and I just feel at the moment that I’m not good enough for someone, I feel like they could go out there and find someone better than me and that would be if you cut off again and I really don’t want that. I know this is just showing me insecurities and that’s not attractive or whatever that the truth of the matter is I’ve not had someone he’s made me feel this good in so long and there’s things I have to tell them that I know is going to ruin what we have and it sucks.

Family

My family is just drama after drama, it’s sad to say that I would be happy if I can just move to the other side of the country and not have to deal with them.

Work

The work is unbelievably stressful, for a care home there is so much drama that happens here it should literally be a TV programme! I’ve picked up so much overtime as well. It’s definitely going to take its toll on me that’s for sure.

Personally

I feel like shit, my self esteem has gone out the window, I’m back to feeling so lost and so alone. At the moment I spend a lot of my time fake smiling because I feel that’s the only way I can get by. I cry to myself all the time which is really sad! Even now I’m crying. I should be so happy, I’ve done things that I didn’t think would happen, I’ve got so much good in my life, yet there is just something in the back of my brain that just wants to cause this misery and unfortunately I can’t work out what it is or how to stop it.

Blog/social media

I think after this month, I’m going to take time away and sort myself out. I need to find my passions, I need to find my direction in life. I feel as if everyone else around me has their life figured out and I’m just a total mess.

I don’t know when I’ll come back to blogging or social media I don’t really have anything planned out. I just know that at the end of August I will be saying goodbye and I will be taking time to work myself trying to get myself back to where I used to be. I need to figure out what setting your back and how to overcome that and I need to just work out what I want from life.

I hope you all understand. I’m of course not just going to shut you out because I’m going through a hard time, my loyalty is to you so don’t ever feel like you can’t come to me because I will always put you guys first. I just wanted to put myself on the line essentially show you my vulnerability and let you know where I’m at.

I have scheduled the interview post to go up on the Tuesdays so I am not abandoning that and I will share those when they’re up but there won’t be any other place besides them and I won’t be on my Instagram and Twitter unless I’m sharing with interviews.

Thank you so much for reading I’m really sorry that this post has sucked, so much for the best month ever right. As I said there will be posts this month I have reviews scheduled to come up in the next few weeks and other post scheduled so I’m not going to abandon that now. I just felt that I needed to tell you what’s going on now before things get worse and you start worry about me because that’s the last thing I want.

I hope you all have a wonderful evening I’m really sorry if I have ruined your good mood.

Lots of love,

A x

8 Replies to “What’s going on”

  1. Babe I am feeling EXACTLY the same! I sat down to write posts for this week and I just thought…I actually cant be bothered I am looking at everyone else on social media or their blog posts seemingly having an amazing time and here I am sat in my PJ’s for the 8th day in a row my hair is more dry shampoo than hair right now and I’ve eaten double my body weight in junk food!! I think a break would do us both good log out of everything reconnect and take some time for yourself!! I think the age we live in right now we always feel that we have to be connected we have to be contactable 24/7 we have to be this happy go lucky person and only that and it is exhausting!! So take as long as you need I will always be here at the end of it and you have my email address if you want to chat away from social media xxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so so glad that someone gets it, I’m obviously not glad that you feel as shite as I do! Thank you so much! I of course am here for you too! Let’s hope we manage to find ourselves quickly, because we’re both pretty amazing when we’re feeling our best ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey A, it’s okay to not always feel okay. I hope eventually you find a relationship with someone who gets you and wants to get to know you and make you happy. Keep us updated! Great blog x
    ‪Today’s blog post 🌸‬
    ‪https://butterfliesandboundaries.wordpress.com/2018/08/13/bad-habits/‬

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Alanna you’ve not ruined my good mood at all! I love hearing from you but equally my heart sends you lots of hugs 😥 . Can I just say firstly, girl I think you are in one the very hardest flipping jobs there ever is working in a care home! That must take a massive toll on you both emotionally, stress-wise, physically and personally and self-esteem-wise depending on the ethos of the team you work with. For doing that job girl, you are an absolute saint! Absolute saint! So important to not over do it though because you may easily get burnt out loveliest ❤ . Second of all, as much as it is very easy to say, please don’t worry about how you are feeling right now. You sound very self-aware and positive in how you are managing your emotions and it is the nature of life that these awful, consuming feelings cannot last forever! The storm will still girly; hold on tight <3. And lastly, and really importantly, in my wee 20 odd years of life lovely, I truly do believe, from life experience and learning about the lives of others, that there’s someone out there for everyone and it is so unbelievebly natural that it will take take time for you to find each other. And I really do honestly believe, if you take the time to live a life and do the things that you love (which you will find girly!) the right person will flow into your life when you least expect it! Take care girly and all the time you need and never feel bad for being inactive. I would be happier knowing you are taking breaks when you need to and looking after yourself and your emotions. As I think we all will, I’ll be here for you regardless of whether your posting or not lovely! ❤

    Ellie Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ellie I bloody well love you! I think working extra hours, not taking time for myself and needing everything to perfect has just taken its toll on me. I’m definitely going to be looking after myself a lot more and putting myself first (although I’m not sure if I know how to do that 😂) Thank you for being supportive and just an all round lovely person! You really do lift me up and bring the sun back! Thank you, thank you and thank you! ❤️❤️❤️

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s