Happy Tuesday everyone I hope you have had a wonderful day, I have been keeping myself busy maybe a little too busy considering this post is late.
If you have been following me for a while you know that I was supposed to upload yesterday but instead I spent the afternoon at the beach just kind of letting go of everything and a finding a real calm space. So I am bringing you this post today although it is later than I said it would be because I decided to go home for dinner and I just chilled there for a bit catching up with the rest of the family.
Today I wanted to share a 5 things that I have learnt this year I know that this would normally be a post that goes up in December to reflect the past year and so on but after December 25th I won’t be uploading again until January so I thought it would be a fitting time to do it now rather than wait until January or to never get this post up.
This year has definitely been the most hard-hitting and emotional year, I have lost someone very close to me, I moved out of my family home, I had a relapse with my self harm and I had other family issues go on. In the space of 11 months I really have had to sort of create a new life for myself which has been difficult but in some aspects it has been so rewarding. I won’t get too far into the details of all that just because I know that half of you are not interested and that is completely fine, so instead I am just going to share with you five lessons that I have learnt within those 11 months.
5 lessons I have learnt this year
1. Forgive yourself and others, not for their sake,but for yours – I have made many mistakes some of which could have easily been avoided if I had just listened to the right person like I just listened to myself but because I decided to ignore that I then made the wrong decisions which lead to the wrong outcomes which is actually all parts of life and that’s not the part I am mad about. I learnt to forgive myself because no one is perfect everyone is going to make a mistake or two throughout their life and yes sometimes you make the same mistake twice or three or 4 times it’s just how you then learn from the mistakes and move forward and that is why I have learnt how to forgive myself because each time I have learnt something new in order to better myself and help myself grow.
Forgiving other people has definitely been a lot harder for me because my walls are already so high and for me to essentially knock them down and just let someone in is such a huge risk for me because where I’ve been through such awful things in my mind I always see the negative things that come with new people, this year unfortunately a lot of people backstabbed lied and did everything they could to drag me down and make me feel at my lowest point. I won’t lie at that time I absolutely hated them but now that I have come the other side of that and I am doing so much better and I am growing and doing so many amazing things with my life I have learnt to forgive them and thank them for the lessons that they have taught me.
2. Don’t worry about what other people think – I spent a lot of my time saying no to things through fear of what others would think or say about it. I almost lived in the shadows of the life that I dreamed of having, through the fear that I’d be laughed at, or judged and trust me, living the life like that is not living at all. I began to come out my shell, and started a grasping things with two hands without caring what people thought and it honestly feels like a weight has been lifted I felt a sense of freedom I suppose. I am no longer hiding in the Shadows of something that I wanted I am now living in the sunlight of the life that I have and I can promise you that it is not perfect not by any means but one day it will be because I am able to do everything that I’ve always wanted to do without feeling that fear.
3. It’s okay to let go of friends – sometimes you get to a point in life where you and your best friend aren’t on the same page and I wouldn’t say that as a sad thing because when you look at the bigger picture it’s not. They are off achieving everything that they have ever dreamed of. And you are off achieving everything you have ever dreamed of, it just so happens now that you don’t have the same dream.
I honestly thought I was the worst person in the world because I wasn’t putting 100% of my time in with this person anymore and I started to drift away and become more secluded and I just wanted to be within a group of people that had similar mind sets as me and had similar goals as me, but while I was feeling awful about the situation I also noticed that they wasn’t putting in 100% with me. They are spending their time investing in people who were more like that and that’s all part of growing up.
We still message each other every now and then just a check in and see how things are going but we’re not there for eachother 24/7 anymore which is a bit scary, but it’s also such a great thing because we are able to do so much more for ourselves without having to rely on each other.
4. Have fun – this seems like such an obvious thing to do in life but when you are so focused on being perfect, on achieving every single one of your goals, going beyond and beyond for ridiculous reasons, you actually forget that you only live once and you can’t spend the whole of your life working on something that may never happen. Everyone needs time to have a break let their hair down and just do things that they enjoy or things that bring them joy because they are the things that you that you are gonna remember the most and they are the stories that you are going to share when you are old and grey.
5. It’s okay to express your emotions – This is a huge struggle for me and pretty much the whole of my family’s struggle with expressing their emotions and that really is our downfall. this year I had a relapse with my self-harm which I haven’t actually spoken about I am ashamed of it.
I know the reason that I relapsed is because I bottled all of my emotions up, I was too ashamed to share them or I was afraid to share them because I was too worried about what people would say.
I spent a lot of my time crying to myself because I had no one else to cry to and it’s a real lonely place doing that. I’ve started to do it more, but I learnt to just say what’s on my mind and say why I’m feeling the way I do. I don’t always have an answer as to how to overcome the obstacles, but I definitely do feel better once I’ve said the words out loud.
I know it seems that I have had a hard it over these past eleven months and I really have, I’ve had to reshape and realign everything in order to get into a calmer, happier space. I am doing a lot better now, which is why I decided to share this with you.
So I want to say a huge thank you to all of you who have read tonight post I really appreciated, I hope you enjoyed reading about the lessons I learnt and that you either recognise some that you have achieved or I have given you a nudge into a part of your life that you wanted to inspect and readjust.
If you enjoyed tonight’s post and you would like to see similar posts, do leave me a like and a comment so I know.
I hope you all have a wonderful evening,
Sending you lots of love,