What’s been going on – The Truth

What’s been going on – The Truth

Hello,

Happy Saturday lovelies! I hope you’ve all had a good day! I totally forgot that it’s bank holiday Monday this week! You lucky ones get an extra day to relax!

tonight I thought it was about time that I share with you what is going on in my life at the moment, I’ve had a few things that I’ve needed to keep quiet until I knew what the answers were and where things were gonna go either way so now that I know what’s going on I can find me share with you why I have been absent and just not myself.

I’m going to jump straight into the deep end and they get this off my chest and out there just so I don’t have to keep thinking about it. Not so long ago I lost my virginity and since then I have stupidly and having unprotected sex which lead to a pregnancy scare. I am currently on the pill as many of you know from reading my July favorites post and I have recently come off the Depo injection so technically I should be covered for stupid mistakes like that.

Unfortunately I know my body and I know that I had to take extra precautions because of what’s currently going on so I had to take the morning after pill. The morning after pill is 99. 9% effective I mean it does a bloody good job but because of the way that my body functions and the issues I currently have I had to double check myself and do pregnancy tests.

Thankfully if they both came back negative so I am not pregnant! obviously I am going to be taking more precautions definitely going to be having that the safe sex from now on and I am looking at going back to see my consultant about my issues so I don’t unexpectedly get pregnant while taking the pill or anything like that.

I have been quite reluctant to be myself a while going through this because I don’t want to let anyone know that I had messed up I’m going to be honest I am mortified and embarrassed at the situation. I have definitely learnt my lesson and I now know that I need to do more on my part to be protected.

I have also been feeling really low about my university situation. If you didn’t know why wasn’t able to sit my my A Levels because my school kicked me out and I don’t really have much in my GCSE results I passed my English and that’s about it really. I’ve seen everyone get so excited about going to Uni and unfortunately I’m a little bit jealous because I’m unable to follow my dream and go down that path.

I have looked at online universities but I don’t have that sort of money to be paying out for that as well as rent, food and my bills. Logically it’s just a no go. I’m just feeling low because it’s a dream of mine to go to Uni to study forensic science, childcare and English literature (probably not all at the same time) but knowing that I’m unable to really gets you down when you see others around you doing exactly what you’ve always wanted to do.

Since going self hosted, my blog has dropped massively and I have no idea why. I’m always in a love hate relationship with my content anyway because I’m a perfectionist and if it’s not done to my incredibly high standards, it’s not going to last very long. I don’t know if it’s because you’re all super busy with your summer holidays, if it’s the content I’m uploading (I’ll admit, lately it’s been pretty shit) or if you’re just not interested anymore. I’d love if you could be brutally honest and let me know which one it is.

That’s everything on my mind right now, I hope this explained a few things, if you have any questions, do feel free to ask.

I hope you’re all well, I know that I’m distant right now, but if you’re going through something, you’re always welcome to message me!

Sending you lots and lots of love,

A X

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13 Comments

  1. August 25, 2018 / 9:25 pm

    You are incredible. Everyone needs to drop off the face of the earth from time to time – don’t beat yourself up about it. I’m so glad everything turned out good for you 💜💜 xxx

  2. ruthinrevolt
    August 25, 2018 / 10:28 pm

    Sounds like you’ve had a lot going on, love! As for the unprotected sex, I’ve been in a similar situation and I was HORRIFIED by myself for being so reckless and careless, but please don’t be too hard on yourself. The important thing is you’ve learnt from it, and I’m glad everything is okay with you.

    Similarly, when it comes to university, I know it must be niggling away at you, but please try to remember: anything could change in the next couple of years, and there’s no deadline to when you can attend. Sure, it would be nice to go when your friends are, but you can still make those dreams a reality eventually, even if it’s not right now. 💜

  3. August 26, 2018 / 9:34 am

    It seems like you have a lot on your plate right now, stressing you out! Don’t beat yourself up about it, life has it’s downs but also it’s ups! The thing about how your blog hasn’t done so well could just be because people are busy? I haven’t been reading through my reader as much as I used to just because it’s the summer holidays. That could be why. Also loving the new bitmoji!

    • August 26, 2018 / 12:53 pm

      Thank you Shay! I’m such a self critical person and I like everything to be perfect (so totally not reasonable) so that’s definitely something I’m going to work on. I’m glad you like the new bitmoji, I love changing them ❤️❤️

      • August 26, 2018 / 2:00 pm

        I used to be quite a self critical person so I understand! And I should change my one, I’ve had the same one for ages! 😂

  4. August 26, 2018 / 10:00 am

    Thank you for sharing this, it takes a lot of courage. You seem to have a lot going on right now but it will get better! Try not to put yourself down about it, and if you want to go to university you will find a way to eventually get there! Just don’t give up:) x

    • August 26, 2018 / 12:50 pm

      Thank you sweet! I think part of my issues is that I’m too self critical. Xx

  5. August 26, 2018 / 10:15 am

    Don’t be hard on yourself Alanna! Sometimes we all make mistakes and luckily nothing too serious has happened. It was a blessing in disguise so then you are more cautious and don’t accidently become pregnant. As for going self hosted, it is completely normal for blog views to drop. It is really disheartening but, you wiĺl get back to where you were (if not better) eventually. Just remember that one day you may be able to go to go to Uni and there are always other ways to get there. Wishing you all the best💖

    • August 26, 2018 / 12:49 pm

      Thank you Najida! I think I’m way too self critical so that’s something I’m going to be working on. Your posts have really inspired some of my upcoming posts! Thank you for your support ❤️❤️

      • August 26, 2018 / 1:18 pm

        Aw, I’m glad to hear that! And you’re welcome❤

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