Happy Monday! How are we all? I am very well, I’ve been keeping myself busy doing adult chores (washing up, putting the washing on, putting new sheets on my bed etc.) I also went and brought my dad his birthday presents for tomorrow and planned my Blogmas posts.
I think today has been the best day of the month, I have been really happy and I have just felt really good. I have said numerous of times this month, that this month is not the best month for me. Both my Granddads passed away during this month, one 13 years ago and the other 5 years ago. It just makes the whole month suck because they are so close together. The only highs of the month is my sister’s birthday and my dads birthday.
This month I planned my sister’s 18th birthday party and I’d quite happily say it was successful, everyone enjoyed the night, we drank a little too much, ate too much food and had some really bad selfies! I had an amazing day with someone really sweet and I hope I get to see them again soon because I really enjoyed myself, I don’t think I smiled so much ever! I really hope he doesn’t find this, it would definetley be embarrassing.
Other good news from this month is the fact I have lost 1.5stones. I have been eating less junk food and exercising a lot more, it’s definetley paying off. I have also changed from the depo contraceptive injection to the combined pill which has definetley helped with the weight loss too. I’m feeling a lot more confident and I am starting to like myself more which is a shock.
This month is just felt really City though I had to lose some really close friends of mine because we are just in different places in life. It sucks because they are the most incredible people and I cherish every moment I had with them but I also understand that at this point in life we need to go our separate ways and go our own paths which is understandable I just hope that we get to reconnect again in the future but until then I only wish them the best of luck with whatever they choose to do next.
My confidence hasn’t exactly been high this month either apart from the fact that I’ve lost weight I have just felt really down about myself, I have really put myself down and even considered self-harming again which absolutely sucks, I haven’t self harmed I don’t wish to go back down that path to be honest I just had a lot of things going on in my mind and this month I seem to suffer a lot from nightmares and I think I just let everything get on top of me instead of voicing what was going on. I am doing much better now I don’t want any of you to worry I’m not going to Relapse and go down that route again because I know how damaging it is and I’ve come so far to let it all slip now.
I have focused myself on working on my blog and I’m glad I have because I now have my own domain and I have so many exciting opportunities coming my way and that’s because I put all of my energy into a positive space instead of a negative one. I have already started planning my block MS as I said at the beginning of this post I am working on reviews that we’ll be going up during August and I am in touch with some companies to do some collaborations with them too.
My actual work life is hectic I’ve been doing a lot of shifts on my own which is so much hard work and there is so much pressure and it’s just hard especially when I can’t do everything because I’m not physically able to and then I feel like I’ve let people down. I have picked up some overtime last week I worked Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday and today I am definitely feeling it, I’m exhausted I want to sleep for 24 hours straight and I don’t want to go back there, but they need me at the moment so I have to do everything I can to help out which means I am also working on Wednesday this week as well.
August is going to be so much better I have my shit together I am prepared I am focused and I am just a lot happier over there my life and I don’t know that’s because of the people that I have met recently and they’ve changed my outlook or if it’s because I needed to go through this only dark patch in order to see the light again. When I figure out what the reason is I will be sure to let you know.
I think that’s it for my to lie around up it’s been full of highs and lows but I’m glad it’s over I’m glad I have a new month to achieve new things and I don’t have to re-live the hard times again until next year.
Thank you so much for reading tonight’s post I would love to know how your July has been, let me know by leaving a comment below and we can have a chat.
Tomorrow I have a Grammy interview post going up but I won’t be as active because it will be my dad’s birthday and I want to spend the day with him even though he’s really ill.
I look forward to seeing you beautiful like tomorrow sending you all my love,